Ask Amy: This loving couple must learn to talk
Well-known relationship researcher John Gottman has done important work in decoding how people make “bids” for connection.
Once you recognize communication patterns, you can begin to change the way you interact, which will influence others.
Dear Amy: I just got upset at my husband because I found out that he put my mother-in-law (his mom) as his first contact on his driver’s license. He listed me as his second contact.
Am I overreacting or being selfish? I feel hurt because I’m his wife!
– Hurt
Dear Hurt: Depending on where you reside, emergency contacts are registered on a state-run “emergency contact” database/website. This way, these contacts are quickly accessible to law enforcement, and also easily updated.
Listing his mother as his emergency contact might have been your husband’s first instinct, but I’d say it might be a poor choice.
Of the two of you – his mother or you – which person is more likely to be able to react quickly if your husband is in an accident? Most likely – you, assuming that you are healthy and able, and always have your phone nearby and charged.
All the same, I think you might be overreacting.
Depending on how healthy your relationship is, this seems more a curious choice than a deliberately hurtful one.
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