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Ask Amy: This loving couple must learn to talk

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Speaking really needs to happen.

If your husband always answers: “… the usual” when you ask him about his day, he’s not providing any information for you two to engage in a conversation.

You might encounter a similar dynamic once your child is a little older.

(“How was school?” “Fine.”)

Asking more “open-ended” questions might draw him out. Instead of “How was your day,” try, “Tell me about your day.”

In addition to not telling his own story, your husband is not being responsive, but this doesn’t necessarily mean that he doesn’t care about what’s going on with you.

 

One suggestion is for you to “call a meeting.” In my (sometimes very crowded) family, we will occasionally call a meeting when we have something important to discuss. This is giving other family members advance notice that cellphones will be down, eyes will be up, and people are expected to listen and participate.

There is evidence that the presence of a cellphone (even face-down on the table) suppresses communication.

Learning intimate communication is not easy – but it can be done.

“The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships,” by John M. Gottman and Joan DeClaire (2002, Harmony).

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