Ask Amy: Alarming traits mean wife should end marriage
– Hands Off
Dear Hands Off: It’s vital that you remember that “Mary” is not causing or creating this problem. “Steve” is the problem, and so you should deal directly with him.
Tell this lovely, generous man (when he is sober), “The last time we saw you, you kissed me. You behave this way whenever you’re drunk. I’m letting you know that if you ever touch me inappropriately again, I’m going to call you out.”
If this breaks wide open into an incident (unchecked, that’s where his behavior is headed), and Mary witnesses this assault and then denies or defends him, understand that she may feel trapped in a situation quite out of her depth.
Urge her toward Al-anon (Al-anon.org), and keep your distance from Steve, but not from her.
Dear Amy: “Casual?” wrote to you about her current relationship, and the fact that she is looking for “her person.”
You encouraged her, telling her that “he’s out there.”
What about telling her that she already has “her person,” and that is: herself?!
– Disappointed
Dear Disappointed: A wonderful answer, and absolutely true. Thank you.
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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
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