Ask Amy: Grandmother’s problems should prevent visits
I have no intention of being around his mother or of letting our daughter visit.
Do you think I am unreasonable?
– Unsure in Decatur
Dear Unsure: First this. Your daughter has another parent – her father. You two should talk this through and try your hardest to come to an agreement on a response to his mother’s conduct.
I do agree that for the time being, you should not have your young daughter spend time with her grandmother – certainly unsupervised.
First off, even when she is sober, this grandmother obviously does not understand or have the capacity to cope with your daughter’s sensory processing issues. Your daughter’s response to noise and chaos is her (very logical) way of trying to cope when her brain is overloaded with too many different cues coming from different directions.
Second, “Shelley” is rarely sober. The way you describe her behavior, she could inspire any thinking person to stick their fingers in their ears.
Third: Your partner’s mother is a racist, and your daughter is a person of color. As you no doubt know from your own life, you cannot protect your daughter from encountering racism or prejudice. But protecting her now – when she is young and vulnerable – is a start.
Dear Amy: My partner and I are in the habit of watching TV together in the evenings. Recently he’s grown restless with the choices and checks out on his earbuds listening to music or other videos.
Earbuds are hard to see, so I’ve asked him several times to let me know when he’s popping them in so I don’t try to start a conversation.
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