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My sister has informed us we must get a hotel.

I was hurt when she did not attend my bridal shower years ago, which she referred to as “stupid.”

My in-laws never understood why she was so rude. I was so embarrassed.

She really wants me to go to this wedding and will be hurt if I don't.

I don't want to do this.

Do I have to?

– Hurting Sister

Dear Hurting: You have free will. You don’t need my permission to turn down an invitation to a faraway event for a stranger that will be extremely challenging for you to attend.

Nor do you need to justify your decision.

All you need to do is to be polite and gracious, thanking the couple for the invitation, and telling your sister that unfortunately it’s simply too challenging for you to make the long trip right now.

Do not bring up ancient history.

If your sister is routinely mean to you, then she will probably respond in expected ways.

Don’t bite the hook. Understand that you may not be able to change her, but you can work on ways to change the way you react to her.

If she blows up at you, you can tell her, “I was upset about having to make this choice. But your reaction makes it easier. I hope the wedding goes well and I look forward to hearing about it. But let’s catch up another time.”

Dear Amy: I hope you will warn readers who might be receiving DNA testing kits as gifts, that the results can unlock mysteries, answer questions, and create problems.

I recently said hi to my new half-sibling, someone I didn’t know existed before we were linked through DNA.

– Be Forewarned

Dear Forewarned: I hope you don’t characterize this as a “problem,” but it certainly presents challenges – for both of you.

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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)

©2021 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.