Life Advice



Ask Amy: Friends don’t let friends snoop into finances

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Unfortunately, this year my birthday falls on Thanksgiving Day.

What's the best way to bow out of the family holiday party so I can do something for me?

There's no point talking with my relatives about maybe doing something different this year – the holiday will always take priority.

– Family Afterthought

Dear Afterthought: I’m assuming that you are an adult, which makes things easier – because you have free will and (presumably) transportation.

If the exact day of your birthday is the day that you want to celebrate, then make your plan and simply tell your family: “I’m not going to be at Thanksgiving dinner this year because I’m [flying down to Rio…] to celebrate my birthday.”

However, it seems to me that you might be able to have things both ways this year: Enjoy your (perhaps tepid) birthday during the family feast, and then do something really special for yourself the day after.

Dear Amy: Responding to “Wondering Father of the Groom” who wanted to memorialize his late-wife at his son’s wedding, when my sister married after both mothers had died, she and her husband had an acknowledgement for both of their late-mothers.


There were sunflowers in one vase near the altar, and each of them took it in turns to recognize the importance of each mother, while moving the flowers to a larger bouquet. It was simply lovely.

– Aimee

Dear Aimee: Yes, this is beautiful.


(You can email Amy Dickinson at or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)

©2021 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.




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