Ask Amy: If you can’t save the marriage, protect the assets
Should I just resign myself to take a divorce settlement as offered, or fight for everything I can get?
I have an attorney who advised me to figure out our assets and debts and get ready to split them, since we live in a no-fault state.
I am already in therapy, but it hasn’t helped my state of mind.
— Heartbroken at 63
Dear Heartbroken: First this: At the age of 63, you are not quite a “senior” — at least in my opinion.
Your husband, 13 years older than you, definitely is.
I realize that this sudden change in your life is both shocking and heartbreaking, but I wish you could try to look on this with the benefit of hindsight.
One year from now, your husband will be yet another old fool who has met the online girl of his dreams — only to be taken to the cleaners, either emotionally and/or financially — and probably, both.
I don’t suggest that you engage in a protracted, nasty, and expensive court battle — but I do suggest that you find a competent and assertive lawyer who will do some forensic accounting and dig into your marital finances as quickly as possible, and begin the process of verifying and dividing them — before your husband has had the chance to hide, spend or waste joint assets on this new relationship.
As hard as it is to face, this is not the time to passively lick your wounds.
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