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Ask Amy: A broken couple pretends to be ‘whole’

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

It can be truly terrifying to love someone wrestling with mental illness, but your fear sends her a message that you truly believe that she cannot cope.

Most children see through any pretense of “wholeness.” By insisting on staying together for your daughter’s sake, you might be burdening her by making her responsible for your relationship.

I believe it should be possible to quietly and peacefully part, while still being involved and devoted to your daughter and very much in her corner.

Either one of you quickly bringing new partners into the mix would NOT be wise, but her therapist might help to coach all of you through this.

Dear Amy: A friend of mine keeps changing doctors because they all tell her to lose weight. She says that people should accept her for how she is.

Unfortunately, she's having weight-related health issues, and obesity killed her parents.

 

I pointed out that any doctor would tell her to lose weight, and now she's mad at me. I'm not in favor of fat shaming, but I do believe in exercise and a healthy lifestyle.

The two of us exercising together is not an option. She once tried to get her parents to eat better and exercise, but they wouldn't listen. Now my friend is waddling down the same path to an early grave and throwing tantrums at anyone who tries to help.

– Trying to Stay Healthy

Dear Trying: Your friend has accurate information regarding the health risks of her obesity. She is rejecting it, and this is painful for you to watch – but this is often how people behave when they are confronted with their worst fears.

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