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Ask Amy: Wife with no name resists erasure

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Your husband has proven that he can respond successfully to negative reactions. When he snapped his fingers or whistled at you (wow, how disrespectful is that?) and you pointed out that this was unacceptable, he stopped.

His behavior does show a lack of respect: It is passive-aggressive and quite literally denies your existence as an individual with a specific name. To me, this seems like something of an erasure.

When human beings choose partners, it is affirmative and loving to find large and small ways to respect a partner’s preferences, thereby removing little triggers that might make them feel less-than. I assume you have done this for your partner over the years; he has not.

I suggest that you stop trying to understand this, and insist that he call you by name. Give him positive reinforcement when he does, and don’t respond when he doesn’t. (And, please, if he calls you “nothing,” then your response should also be nothing.)

If that doesn’t work and you want to stay with him (you obviously do), then, yes, accept it, and hope that he can manage to identify you correctly in an emergency.

Dear Amy: My sister and I are hosting a baby shower for our pregnant cousin.

 

Due to COVID, we are intentionally keeping the shower small.

The mom-to-be wants only fully vaccinated people to attend. We all agree.

Everyone will be fully vaccinated, except one family member who has stated that she is against vaccination and has no plans to get the vaccine.

How should we handle this?

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