ArcaMax

I think that is ultimately why my friend is so mad at us. We try to minimize exposure outside the home (holidays this year were just our own household) and we wear masks everywhere, but obviously we haven’t been isolating to the same degree as some.

I have cried more this year than in all my other years combined.

— Lonely and Ghosted

Dear Lonely: You seem to believe that your friend is judging you as being socially irresponsible for having your son engage in activities that his school has deemed safe.

I don’t interpret her reaction the same way. She is sequestered — quarantined, basically – with her children. This is such a tender time, surely you can imagine that your relative privileges make her sad about her family’s situation.

It reminds me of the time I was feeling particularly trapped and lonesome (due to work, personal obligations, and financial limits). Someone I really love kept posting photos of their wonderful extended trip to the Amalfi Coast.

In that case, I could “hide” these postings until I was feeling less sensitive and more expansive. In the case of a group email, the recipient can’t excise the lines that make her so envious and sad.

You have been crying, I’ve been crying, we’ve all been crying.

And now let us try to acknowledge one another’s tenderness the way we feel our own and respond with compassion.

I suggest that you keep in touch with your friend. Don’t pick at this sore spot, instead try to re-establish your previous friendly contact. She and the kids might enjoy receiving cards and letters sent through the mail.

...continued