Ask Amy: Mother needs a border wall
Dear Exhausted: You say that you have repeatedly explained the course you are following regarding your daughter’s health.
You don’t say that you have told your mother that you won’t discuss this with her at all.
Building a boundary is sometimes like putting up a picket fence – you install it, slat by slat. And sometimes, building a boundary is like lowering a garage door: You say what you are going to do, and then you do it. And then you keep doing it – calmly – until the person catches on. In your case, you would be trying to retrain your mother away from what you claim is her “obsession” with your daughter’s weight.
Be aware that if you really lowered the boom, you wouldn’t be able to vent to your mother or use her as a sounding board. This requires discipline on your part.
Explain: “I cannot handle your constant negative reaction. You have the right to your opinion, but I need you to keep it to yourself because honestly, what I need right now is love, support, and positivity. I’m not getting that from you, so I’m going to stop discussing ‘Carrie’s’ situation with you.”
When your mother asks how Carrie is doing, say, “She’s hanging in there,” and change the subject. When she offers an unsolicited negative assessment, say, “Nope, Mom, remember? I’m not going there.”
Dear Amy: We have been invited to a "black tie optional or cocktail attire" wedding.
My husband does not own a suit, and we aren't currently in a position to purchase one.
He does own a decent sport coat, etc., but wouldn't feel confident that this would be appropriate, given the dress code.
He is considering staying home because of this (I and two of our children would still attend), but when asked the inevitable question of why he is not there, how do we respond truthfully, but without creating awkwardness?
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