Ask Amy: Citizen wants to become even more “American”
But here is a beautiful “American” ideal (so different from the culture you were raised in): All Americans have the right to be uniquely themselves, and that definitely includes you.
However, reinvention is baked into the American experience, and so if you want to affect “American” mannerisms, I suggest you become a student of American culture. Take a history course at your local community college. Follow up with a class on cinema and popular culture. Read Mark Twain, Edith Wharton, Sherman Alexie, Gary Shteyngart, and Jericho Brown. Listen to Dolly Parton. Watch “Singing in the Rain,” “Goodfellas,” “Barbershop,” “The 13th,” and “Ramy.”
Become a volunteer firefighter. Teach English as a second language to other newer citizens (teaching American concepts to others will show you how much you actually know). Work at your local polling station during the next election.
When you say or do something you believe is “off,” ask a friend to break it down for you. They might choose to tell you what I’m trying to tell you now – which is that your effort makes you the most “American” person they know.
Dear Amy: I’ve been married for two years. My husband has a difficult time taking my feelings into consideration. He often ignores my calls and texts. He makes plans with his friends when my family has an event they have invited us to.
I am tired of this. Everyone else sees him as this “great guy,” but behind closed doors, he’s not so great. I don’t know what to do.
Feeling Stuck
Dear Stuck: Your marriage is still young. You and your husband both entered the marriage with the knowledge you gleaned from your own parents. He might be recreating his own father’s style, and you might carry your own mother’s experiences and expectations about what marriage is supposed to be like.
Being a good spouse is a learned experience. It’s really a question of being on the same team. Teammates have each others’ backs. They also grant each other occasional “outs.”
Should you put one another first? Absolutely. But must he attend all of your family’s events? I hope not. There is room for negotiation and compromise.
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