Ask Amy: Grieving dad struggles to move on
From your narrative, it seems that your ex’s reprehensible behavior has become a defining experience for you. But it’s not. What you are doing now – steadfastly parenting through this storm – this is what defines you!
You have to show your kids that life does go on, and that you – and they – have some control over what happens next. I hope you will build a legacy of positive and hopeful experiences that become the defining next chapters. Build your friendships with other adults. Other successful single parents (fathers and mothers) will help to show you the way.
You might also explore the possibility of legally adopting your stepchildren, so that they will always know that you belong together. Changing your legal status from stepdad to “Dad,” might help all of you to move on together as a family.
Dear Amy: I have been married for five years. We have two beautiful boys. While we’ve had typical ups and downs, we are happy.
In high school, I had a serious boyfriend for three years. It was a very emotionally abusive and a very unhealthy relationship for me.
However, for the last year and a half, I have had dreams about this high school boyfriend every night!
Some dreams are a bit steamy, but most of them are like clips from an unlived life. We’re doing daily tasks in our home, spending time with his family, going out with friends.
The kicker is, I’m so happy in these dreams! My rational mind knows that there were few positive aspects to this relationship from over a decade ago, but what gives? A dream or two is one thing, but 18 months of them!?
Confused Dreamer
Dear Dreamer: Our subconscious sometimes emerges during dreams to help us resolve issues in our waking lives. I suggest that you start writing down your dreams each day in order to look for emergent patterns that you could interpret. The act of writing will help you to recall specifics in your dreamscape.
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