Ask Amy: High school senior is missing a lot
Every word of what that person said is absolutely true. This is NOT what a hurting teenager wants to hear, but I assure you - this "cold and unfeeling" wisdom will come back to her time and time again. Eventually, she will be grateful for it.
The experiences she and her cohorts are absorbing during this period will stay with them for the rest of their lives. They will remember it as being an extremely challenging and unfair time, that nonetheless taught them many things. When they have children of their own, they will try to pass along some of the wisdom your relative tried to impart (and it will no-doubt be met with generational skepticism).
Granted - any tough love is easier to hear when it is accompanied by a hug, tenderness, and the reaction that every hurting person values which is to feel seen and understood. That's what you and her mother will deliver.
I would add one thing. Even though your daughter will miss the public accolades and experiences that she so sincerely deserves to receive, she will always have this: She gets to spend the rest of her life being HER -- the accomplished, caring, smart and kind person who (along with countless young people around the world), caught a very tough break. My heart goes out to them. I wish I could take every last one of them to the prom.
Dear Amy: My husband, "Stan," has been divorced from his ex-wife for 30 years. He had children with her, but he doesn't really know them (he wasn't allowed to visit, and he couldn't afford a lawyer).
Stan and I have two adult children together.
Our daughter found one of her half-sisters. I am very happy for her. They are starting to visit one another and seem to enjoy each other's company.
We recently found out that our daughter has begun a relationship with her father's ex-wife. Stan was hurt and feels betrayed by our daughter.
It now appears that his ex-wife has visited our daughter and our grandchild!
Of course, if she was our daughter's mother or stepmother, it would make sense. We don't understand this.
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