Ask Amy: Estranged dad is now angling for an intro
Is it worth the risk of hurting my wonderful mom and stepdad, or should I just tell him it isn't in cards.
If so, how do I say something like this?
-- Broken Home Woes
Dear Broken Home: Anyone can ask you for anything. But your father's request does not necessitate that you grant his wish.
You could say to him, "Umm, Dad, honestly, I'm not ready to open up my family to you. I'll let you know if I change my mind, but for now -- no."
Do your mother and stepfather know that you are in touch with him? Being transparent about this might help you all to get on the same page. Tell them, "You two raised me. You are my kids' grandparents. You are my family. But dad calls me two or three times a year, and I want you to know that he has been in touch. I worry that you will think I'm being disloyal by being in touch, but that is not my intention."
You are not "supposed" to hate your father -- or anyone. If your mother and stepfather imply or impose this requirement, then they are not parenting you well.
You ARE supposed to be loyal and protective toward your mother and stepfather, and your own children. Having a troublesome, crappy or toxic father dancing on the wing means that you will occasionally have to make some tough choices. When your kids are older, you should tell your own childhood story. They will learn that most families are complicated, and that you will always lean toward the people who love you the best.
Dear Amy: Late winter ushers in the major cat breeding season, which will cause shelters and rescue groups to be slammed with an avalanche of unwanted kittens in a few months. The dog overpopulation in southern states is still out of control.
Shelters and rescues in the South work hard to promote pet adoption transports (primarily open for dogs only) to states where they have a better handle on the dog overpopulation, and these groups fund an increasing number of low-cost spay/neuter clinics. Millions of dollars are being spent on these efforts, along with a massive amount of time donated by volunteers.
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