Ask Amy: Tired senior needs a little self-care
She doesn't even want to check out other facilities to find a better or compromise solution.
What should we do?
-- Torn
Dear Torn: You two seem very practical regarding your futures, but I don't think it is particularly useful to apply an actuarial table to your current situation. Right now, this is not primarily about where you will die, but about how you will live. Your wife is not making a rational choice about her future housing if she hasn't explored the available options.
You don't mention why you don't want to move into the facility she prefers, but both of your interests and needs should have equal weight.
For the sake of your relationship, you should both work hard to have an open mind regarding options. You two should meet with administrators, take photos, and make pro and con lists. Ask her to leave her comfort zone and to look at four places with you, including the place she prefers.
Dear Amy: In your response to questions about workplace issues, you often advise people to "go to HR."
I don't know about your experiences with HR, but for many people Human Resources represents the interests of the company, and only the company.
-- Experienced
Dear Experienced: I agree that it is important to be aware that HR reps work for the same company the complainant works for. It is vital to document every meeting and encounter, even with HR.
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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
