ArcaMax

Dear Amy: I am a 15-year-old girl who is in the middle of a custody battle.

My father lives in a different state, and that's who I want to live with, but my mother has custody of me right now, and my mom won't let me go live with my dad.

Seeing as how I am 15, I feel I should make the decision, and so I told my mother how I feel. She said, "Well, you're not in charge of your life. I am, and so you should just be grateful."

It would seem that I need a better way to approach my mother, but I don't know how. Please give me some advice.

-- It's My Life

Dear My Life: I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Each state operates a little differently when it comes to child custody. Depending on what state you live in, at the age of 15, the court will listen to what you want and will take your wishes into account. There is no guarantee that you will ultimately get to choose which home you will get to live in, but the family court judge will note your preference and make the best decision for you. The court -- not you, and not your parents -- will make the final decision.

When your parents separated, if your father moved out of state, this might be a factor in the court's decision; generally, it is best if separated parents live closer together.

You should make your wishes known to both of your parents. Do not insult your mother, but instead explain your reasons as well as you can. Maybe you want a fresh start? If that is the case, then you should say so. Would she be willing to let you live with your father on a trial basis, perhaps over the summer?

Both parents need to adhere to the parenting plan they currently have in place. Your father should make sure that his lawyer -- and the court -- are aware of your preference.

...continued