Ask Amy: Daughter brings child, and chaos, home
Should I let her come home, or should we let her live out in the real world?
-- Unsure Grandmother
Dear Unsure: I have news for all of you. Your daughter living with her boyfriend while you raise her child is not the real world. Your challenging daughter living at home with you while the three of you clash over raising this child is as real as it gets.
This is tricky. Your daughter seems to have abandoned her child to your care.
However, she is his mother. She may bounce in and out of his life while he lives with you, and then, very suddenly she might decide to take the child to live with her.
Millions of heroic grandparents (and other family members) are currently raising children, and yet the legal assumption is that (unless the situation is extreme) children should be with their biological parents.
My opinion is that you and your husband should continue to raise this boy without his mother, until she shows a consistent intent (beyond a Facebook message), that she wants to come back. Ultimately, however, her being with you would probably be best for both her and the child.
However, understand that if she moves home and you clash again and kick her out, she may take the boy with her.
You MUST research your legal rights. See an adoption attorney -- or meet with a social worker at your local Family and Child Services office.
Your daughter might be willing to sign over temporary guardianship to you, so that you can legally make decisions on the boy's behalf.
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