Ask Amy: Daughter brings child, and chaos, home
Dear Amy: I met a woman online. We have been texting back and forth.
She is very cautious, which I understand, but it's almost stressful to pursue her.
She doesn't seem excited about a new relationship.
I am wondering if I should put my efforts elsewhere?
-- Eager
Dear Eager: It is challenging, but vital, to read another person's cues -- certainly at the outset of what you hope will be a relationship. You two have never met in person, and the reasons she is cautious could range from: She is cautious because she is smart and realizes she is communicating with a virtual stranger ... to ... She is cautious because she is in another relationship (or any combination or variation along a very wide spectrum).
You should not pursue or press her. You should text her: "Look, I can tell you are being super-cautious, and I want you to know that I respect that. I don't want to make you uncomfortable, so I'll wait for you to get in touch."
Harkening back to my own foray into internet matching, I urge you to try to meet any potential match in person as soon as possible. Texting and messaging can create a smoke screen.
In my experience, I knew -- usually within moments after meeting for coffee -- whether I was interested (... and, sigh, I never was).
Dear Amy: I appreciated the sincerity of the man signing his name "Little Circle Seeks Bigger Circle". He wanted to find ways to connect in a meaningful way with other men.
I also appreciated your response. I wish you had suggested that this man develop some group-centered hobbies, however.
-- Been There
Dear Been There: Yes, great advice.
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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
