Ask Amy: Lovelorn spouse wants to tidy up behind him
You should make this disclosure with the help of a couples' counselor, who will assist the two of you to communicate about this in order to break up as well, and as peacefully, as you can.
My advice is for you to take full responsibility for your own choices, treat the mother of your children with respect and kindness, do everything possible to stay close to your children, and shelter all of them from your current joy and excitement about leaving.
Telling your wife of over two decades that you have (basically) never loved her should be off the table.
Dear Amy: I was married for 16 years. I have two sons. My ex and I have been separated for 12 years and divorced for six. He and I have remained on friendly terms. We are there for our sons and are polite to each other.
I didn't immediately go back to my maiden name because my boys were still living with me. However, now they are grown, done with college, and are out of the house and living on their own.
I talked to my sons about switching back to my maiden name, and my 23-year-old wants me to keep his last name. Your thoughts?
-- SQ
Dear SQ: I think you should go by whatever surname you prefer. Your ex-husband can't name you. Your son can't name you. (OK, your birth name presumably originally came from your father, but that's the name you identify with.)
You get to legally choose, and to go by, the name you prefer.
This might make your son uncomfortable (initially). Between your two sons, your eldest has shared your surname for the longest time; it is logical and understandable that he would prefer that things not change.
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