Life Advice

/

Health

Childfree couple wants better family time

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

I recently attended a day of sheepdog trials. When I met each of these dog handlers, guess what we talked about? Their dogs. This is to be expected. This is their passion, and in that context, this was their focus.

You should never feel less-than when you are around these young families, and it is completely understandable that you wouldn't share their obsession. But, during the times when you are in their households, you should tolerate their overall focus on their children.

Dear Amy: I've taken on the task of digitizing my family's old negatives and slides. It's a lot of work, but so worth it!

As I've been processing the pictures from my childhood, I've come across several pictures my dad took of my mom that were clearly not meant to be seen by their daughter.

Once I realized what they were, I quickly set them aside and have not digitized them.

My parents have been divorced for almost 20 years. I'm sure my mom doesn't want my dad to have these photos, but I don't know how to ask if she wants them back, both because they are personal and because it wasn't the easiest divorce, and mention of my dad is still awkward.

The negatives are useless until they are digitized, which would fall to me. What do I do with them?

-- Digi-Don't

Dear Digi-Don't: Put these negatives into an envelope and give them to your mother. That's it. Tell her, "I wasn't sure what to do with these, so I'll let you decide. If you want me to go ahead and digitize them, I'm happy to do that."

 

These photos are your mother's property and she should have the right to make a decision about them. I see no reason to involve or invoke your father.

Dear Amy: "Trying to Be a Good Mom" presented an interesting dilemma. Her adolescent sons wanted to buy a cellphone for their uninvolved and distant (divorced) father.

You suggested that she should let these boys do what they wanted with their money. But I thought their father was obviously manipulating them. If they give in to this, he will only ask for more, and Mom should tell them that.

-- Been There

Dear Been There: In my response I noted the unfortunate dynamic -- the sons want to please their dad, and he is using and manipulating them.

I also sensed that these boys may need to get burned before they can develop a more realistic stance toward their dad.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)


 

 

Comics

Kevin Siers Ginger Meggs Cathy Al Goodwyn Fort Knox Daddy's Home