Couple fights over gaslighting
It is not as simple as one person questioning -- or denying -- another person's feelings or perceptions.
For instance, in this situation, a true gaslighter would say, "But honey, the lawn IS mowed. Are you feeling OK? Sometimes I worry about you because you can't seem to accurately gauge grass height." And you would believe him, because he would have thoroughly worn down your confidence in your own perceptions.
The way I read your scenario, your husband responded to your somewhat clunky lawn shaming by making a fairly lame excuse, thereby trying to blame you for his delaying the lawn-mowing for another day. You then decided to supply examples of things he "should have said." When that got old, you both transitioned to a ridiculous red herring that doesn't have anything to do with anything.
First of all, if you want the lawn mowed, then mow it yourself, or ask him, using plain English, "Do you think you can get the lawn mowed soon?"
You two would probably still have had a tiff, but at least it would have been about the lawn.
Stop emailing one another and sleeping apart. Have it out (in person) and then hug it out.
Dear Amy: My wife and I are in the process of setting up a trust.
I have a niece that I have decided to disinherit because of the unconscionable way she treats her mother, my older sister.
My niece knows that I have provided for her by naming her as a co-beneficiary on my retirement funds, a designation I am rescinding. Should I tell her of my decision or just let her find out in the course of time?
-- Pissed Uncle
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