Husband's hot cars don't use any gas
Dear Open Wounds: First of all, I tend to believe that the whole "closure" concept is either widely misinterpreted, or overall basically a crock.
It might help if you stopped thinking of closure as an end to something (your bad feelings or your grief, for instance).
Certainly, some situations in life can eventually work out neatly, but generally, life is too messy to tie all of your hurts or trauma into a closed circle. The path toward healing is to learn to dwell in that messy, raw and real space. You have to learn to sit with your own discomfort, to accept your own powerlessness over some events in your past and to see your life as a story with many twists and teachable moments.
Rather than "closure," it might help for you to think about "reconciliation." Reconciliation involves acceptance, strength and oftentimes forgiveness. It is not necessary to forget. It is necessary to find ways to move forward.
Dear Amy: In response to "Anxious Anniversary," and others who forget their wedding anniversaries, I was a late bride, marrying for the first time at age 57.
My husband was a widower and 12 years older.
We decided that we wanted a date that was easy to remember. We picked 9/10/11 at 12 noon.
-- Thinking Ahead
Dear Thinking Ahead: Genius. Of course, each year you still need to remember the 9/10 part.
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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: ASKAMY@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)
