Husband forgets anniversary, but who is to blame?
Dear Amy: My 19-year-old cousin graduated from high school this spring. She had a rough road through adolescence and a hard time with high school, but she finally graduated.
I am proud that she persevered. Her graduation party, however, was not a pleasant affair. She barely acknowledged her adult guests, and left the party with her friends to "take a walk." What she really did was go to a park with her friends to get high.
Her mother (my aunt) not only condoned it, but was amused in relaying this news to guests at the party.
When the kids came back they were, of course, famished; inhaling all the food they could find, laughing, cursing and carrying on.
Again, her mother joked about them having "the munchies." I was disgusted by the behavior of both the parent and the child.
Should I speak to my aunt? My gift to the graduate involved tickets to an event that I planned to take my cousin to. Now I don't even want to go with her.
Should I just give her the tickets to take someone else?
-- Disappointed Cousin
Dear Disappointed: It's fairly obvious why your cousin has struggled so much. It would be very challenging to rise above such neglectful and enabling parenting.
If you are close, you should raise this issue -- not to express your disgust, but rather your concern. Be prepared that whatever you say, it might have little impact.
What I love about your gift is that gifts such as yours -- gifts of experiences, rather than material goods -- give you and the recipient the opportunity to share something.
By all means continue with your plans. It won't kill you to spend a few hours with your cousin, and the experience and connection might influence both of you in a positive way. Don't judge her while you're with her. (June, 2009)
Dear Readers: Are you curious about my background and life outside of the confines of this space? Read my two memoirs: "The Mighty Queens of Freeville: A Mother, a Daughter, and the Town that Raised Them," and "Strangers Tend to Tell Me Things," available wherever books are sold or borrowed. You can also follow me on Twitter or Instagram: @AskingAmy; on Facebook at Facebook.com/ADickinsondaily.
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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: ASKAMY@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)
