ArcaMax

Dear Who Am I?: An estimated 1 in 10 men are in an abusive intimate relationship, but this statistic is a rough estimate because of the taboo and silence surrounding male abuse survivors.

Reasons people stay in abusive partner relationships are: fear (it can be dangerous to leave), conditioning (believing the abuse is normal), embarrassment, lack of resources, cultural or religious reasons, fear of dislocating children in the household, low self-esteem or because they think Dennis Rainey (a Christian speaker whose business model surrounds telling couples to adopt "traditional values") told them to.

Why do YOU stay?

Your narrative is really all about your wife -- her reasons and her excuses for being an unloving and abusive wife. But what about you? Who is going to "love the pain" out of you?

I'm urging you to attend non-religious affiliated (in addition to Christian, if you choose) counseling sessions on your own. Don't think of it as leaving your wife behind, so much as taking yourself along on the most important journey of your life -- the journey toward self-awareness and self-worth. And yes, if your marriage continues to be spiritually, morally and emotionally depleting, and devoid of affection and respect, then -- for what it's worth -- I would encourage you to leave. Counselors at The National Domestic Violence Hotline can help. Search their site: thehotline.org, or call (800) 799-7233.

Dear Amy: In the parking lot of a grocery store, I noticed a lady hit or slap a girl in her face.

After I wrote down her license plate number, the lady told me that the girl was her daughter and that she had told her in the store that she hated her, and that she wants to kill herself.

The lady said other things to me in trying to justify her own actions.

I told her that hitting this child was "uncalled for."

I'm not sure I should inform the police or some other authority.

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