In-law troubles threaten to explode
Dear Amy: Please settle a debate in our family.
My mother states that "proper etiquette" dictates that while dining in groups, whether in restaurants or at home, it is rude to remove the finished plate of any one person until all diners have finished eating.
She thinks that doing so makes those still eating feel rushed or as if they should not still be eating.
While I understand her point, I say this is a quirk of hers and not an etiquette standard. What say you?
-- Inquiring Daughter
Dear Inquiring: Your mother's point is directed solely toward the guests' feelings and comfort.
You say you understand her reasoning. So, if she is being kind, thoughtful and hospitable -- and you cede the legitimacy of her point -- then why is this debatable?
The entire purpose of etiquette is not to start or settle family arguments, but to create guidelines which will always support politeness and kindness.
As it happens, your mother is also correct about this long-standing dining standard.
Slowing things down is good for everyone. Instead of racing to clear plates as people finish their entree, offer members of the "clean plate club" another round of wine or sparkling water.
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