Girlfriend's smoking and sugar habit causes worry
Dear Amy: My best friend and I are both 17. Last summer she broke up with her first serious boyfriend. Ever since then she has been going out with multiple guys in their mid-20s.
She lost her virginity to a random man she met online, and has been having mental breakdowns increasingly.
She doesn't tell any of the guys she has sex with that she is underage. I'm worried she will get hurt with these strangers, get pregnant or catch a STD.
She recently disclosed to me that she was sexually abused as a kid by her grandfather, and I think this may be affecting her now.
She has depression, OCD and is being tested for bipolar.
I've talked to her about her mental health, and ask her if she thinks these flings are healthy for her. She agrees that they aren't, but says she needs the rush she gets with these men. Then once their fling is over she is ashamed, and really depressed. I don't know how to help her, and I am really worried about her.
-- Concerned Friend
Dear Concerned: You are a stellar friend, and your concerns are valid. Your friend seems caught in a vicious cycle. She is using sex to try to medicate her own depression, and -- as she is seeing -- this only makes things worse. And, as you note, the consequences of this behavior for her could be quite stark.
Please, please urge her to talk to a counselor about this. If she already has diagnosed mental health issues, as well as a history of abuse by a family member, she should definitely keep up with her treatment, including talk therapy.
Dear Amy: "Upset" was concerned that her husband's ex-wife was beneficiary of his retirement account. You questioned the fact that the beneficiary can't be changed.
Amy, I have a pension from a government job. You name the beneficiary when you retire, and I assure you it is set in stone. I hope they take your advice to see a professional estate planner.
-- Retired
Dear Retired: I've heard from dozens of people about this. Many report being locked in place.
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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: Askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)
