Wife doesn't want husband to say it with flowers
I see a guy who perhaps has not tried hard enough for 15 years. He is trying now. And you are telling him, "No thanks." (Is it too late to accept his efforts? I hope not.)
Flowers have symbolic and romantic meaning. The man who sends you flowers might be a guy who is simply making the least imaginative gesture, or he might be a guy who is trying very hard to romance you.
You obviously choose the most negative spin, but when I read your narrative, I think about his efforts to connect with you. He is also asking you for direction, and you are refusing to provide any. This is not at all fair to him.
Do you want a card, a spa visit, a movie-date or a divorce? Is there any gift you won't consider too frivolous or wasteful?
Of course, this isn't really about gifts offered and received ungraciously. This is about connection. Your husband is trying. And if the thing you want most of all is to have a conversation about connection, then tag -- you're it. You should start by acknowledging his efforts, and apologizing for your own behavior.
Dear Amy: I'm thinking about hosting a Christmas party with some old college friends this holiday season. I'm planning for about 10 people, with food, beer and wine, but no hard liquor. We don't plan on getting crazy, or anything.
However, one of my friends, "Brian," is a recovering alcoholic who has been "sober" for the past two years. I'm debating if I should not invite Brian, or whether we should not serve alcohol at this particular party.
Would it be rude of me to not invite him? Should I invite him but inform him that there will be beer and wine present for others at the party? Should I not serve alcohol based on one person who is attending?
-- Bartender
Dear Bartender: If "Brian" is a good friend of yours (and others in the group), then yes, it would be rude not to invite him to this gathering, where mutual friends will be present. If he were an actively drinking alcoholic, you wouldn't hesitate inviting him (I assume). And so don't exclude him for being in recovery. He has an illness, and through lots of hard work and treatment, his alcoholism is in remission.
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