ArcaMax

You should continue to advocate for advanced thinking with your friends in this regard. This will affect your friendship, because these women are showing you who they are. They are not wise, or kind -- and they are not good or responsible parents.

Dear Amy: I have three older brothers. My oldest, who lives a six-hour drive from us, is hosting a birthday celebration in six months for my 65th birthday.

He sent out "hold the date" notices. My youngest brother is attending, but my middle brother (who lives near me) says he already has concert tickets for that weekend, so he can't attend.

My oldest brother has a huge house and is housing several relatives. Three of his grandchildren, whom my middle brother has never met, will be there.

Is having tickets to a concert a reasonable excuse for not seeing relatives he has yet to meet? Should I feel slighted?

-- Slighted Sister

Dear Slighted: Your brother is slighting all of you. I assume that if he had responded to the invitation saying, "Jerry Garcia is coming back from the dead to sing with The Dead on that date, and I've been waiting for this all my life, I'm so sorry...," you would probably understand his reasoning.

As it is, you should assume that there are other, varied reasons for your brother to stay away, and this is not solely about you.

Dear Amy: I was appalled by your advice to "Wondering Woman," who had a man approach her in a neighborhood place, asking where she lived. She refused to supply her address -- and you urged her to be nice! When are we going to stop forcing women to be "nice?!"

-- Appalled

Dear Appalled: No person should reflexively supply personal details to a stranger, as I said in my answer.

"Wondering" asked how to deflect this sort of inquiry, and I offered suggestions.

I also suggested logical reasons for why this man might wonder which house in the neighborhood was hers. I also noted that his angry reaction to her refusal was indefensible.

I believe that the time to stop being "nice" -- is never. This goes for everyone.

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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)