Newly discovered sister rocks her world
I wonder if you have avenues yet to explore that might provide answers. (For instance, was your father ever a sperm donor?)
If your father had a one-night stand, or even if he was unfaithful to your mother (secretly, or with her knowledge), does this diminish the love they felt for each other -- and for you and your siblings?
Does knowing your father might have been flawed make him less of a father to you? Your parents chose to be -- and stay -- together. That's a good thing.
This woman's sudden presence in your life has rocked you, and you have behaved generously and admirably (what a credit to your parents!). But I hope you don't feel forced to have a relationship you aren't ready to have. You have every right to take this at your own pace. Talking with a therapist would help you to express, and accept, your "Not fair!" feelings.
Dear Amy: My granddaughter, who is 13, told me during a recent visit that if she got into an advanced placement math class at her school she would receive $200 from her parents.
During the school year, she has been given $20 for every 'A' grade.
I find this approach over the top. What kind of message does this send to my granddaughter? What should I say about this?
-- Upset Gram
Dear Gram: Many parents find ways to incentivize their children to do well in school. Other parents provide negative incentives -- they hold high expectations and then punish their children or take away privileges if they don't meet these standards.
As she starts the school year, your granddaughter knows exactly what the potential rewards are for her to excel in school.
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