Ex-boyfriend becomes current-colleague
-- Feeling Used
Dear Feeling Used: Relationships operate using their own sort of currency. And, just like with money, you and your girlfriend each needs to invest in the relationship, with a goal of long-term gain.
In your case, you tolerate behavior you don't want to tolerate, feel resentful about it and then wonder how you can fix the dynamic without being honest about it.
If you had started this process when your relationship was in its earlier stages, it would either have been fixed by now, or you might be in a different relationship with someone who shares these values.
Although you should never have to justify being honest about your own feelings, you recently lost your job, and this presents the perfect reason to have "the talk."
Say, "I know we never spelled this out, but I really need to talk about how we divide our spending when we go out. I've always spent far more than you on our relationship, and honestly, I've resented it but I haven't said anything. Now that my situation has changed, I can't afford to keep quiet. Can we work together to make our spending more balanced?"
Dear Amy: Thank you for highlighting the issue raised by "Baseball Mom," who witnessed a gifted young player being berated by his parents on the sideline.
I have spent the last 20 years sitting in the bleachers as my children play sports at various levels, and have witnessed some absolutely appalling behavior.
-- Sports Dad
Dear Dad: Youth coaches and parents responded similarly.
========
(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)
