Mother wonders why son's girlfriend stays away
Dear Amy: My son has dated the same girl for four years. She is white, while we are black.
I am not prejudiced at all. I have invited her to our home many times. She has only come to our house once.
My house is not dirty or messy. She just never comes to our home -- he always goes to her house.
I am single, and raised my son and his brother alone. I don't drink or smoke, and I really don't understand why she doesn't care for me (I don't feel like she does).
My son makes up excuses for why she doesn't come to our home. I've stopped asking, but it really hurts my feelings!
What can I do?
-- So Sad Mother
Dear Mother: Your son and his girlfriend might spend more time at her house because they have more privacy, or freedom or unlimited access to the refrigerator -- or Netflix. You don't say whether she lives alone or with her parents, and you don't mention having met her folks. It is also possible that your son is the one who doesn't want to spend "couple" time at your house.
For complicated reasons that elude me, in many couples, the woman tends to decide where (and how) the couple spends their time. If your son were more assertive, he would make sure that his girlfriend knew you and felt comfortable in your (and his) home.
I hope you can get to know this woman better without exerting pressure or feeling sensitive about the setting. Can you meet them for a meal outside of both homes?
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