Secrets and lies are tearing this marriage apart
Do you now have insight into the temptation to be avoidant, when honesty may lead to a cycle of shame, blame and referendums on your marriage?
You've boxed yourself into a corner, and now you should come clean. Your husband should not have to be the standard-bearer for past, current and future mistakes.
Admit your behavior, take responsibility for it and for the possibility that he will be hurt by it, assure him that this will never happen again and ask for forgiveness.
If you two are stuck in a cycle of blame, recrimination and further acting-out, you should see a marriage counselor.
Dear Amy: In recent years, I have become envious of friends who have a close relationship (or any relationship) with their cousins. When my grandparents were alive, I would see my cousins and uncle/aunt on holidays. After my grandparents passed away, I have only seen my cousins at their weddings over the past 15 years, because my father and his brother are not close.
I am friends with my cousins on Facebook. They have families with children, now. They also live a few states away from me. How do I let them know I would like a relationship with them, without being intrusive? I would not mind getting on a plane to go visit them, but they also live in areas that I would not go to if not to visit them.
-- Cousin Wannabe
Dear Cousin: Facebook is not good for many things, but it is a great tool for connection, and reconnection.
You start by liking and commenting on their posts. You could build connection by posting old photos featuring all of you (if you have them), and tagging them.
Basically, extend your kindness and convey your interest in their lives. This could lead to a better real-world connection between all of you.
Dear Amy: "Concerned Daughter" was worried because her 89-year-old, unlicensed mother was driving her car around the block.
How about this? Before Mom mows down a 9-year-old bicyclist, take the keys, sell the cars and confirm her access to friend and family chauffeurs.
-- Been There, Done That
Dear Been There: Many families could not pull this off successfully. But yes, this is an obvious solution.
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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)
