Discovery of long-lost child challenges marriage
How should I handle this? Are my feelings abnormal?
-- Unhappy Camper in Florida
Dear Unhappy: Your feelings are not abnormal. Your family system was humming along nicely, and now things are changing.
It is normal to feel conflicted when facing extreme changes or transitions (even changes that are positive). Even lottery winners sometimes sink into a depression when their lives are turned upside down.
But here's the rub. Life is just like that. People get ill, people get well, families grow and shrink; fortunes and futures can change with the click of a computer mouse.
No matter how you feel about this, you will do best if you behave less like an ignored teenager, and more like a mature partner. Your husband should include you in his communications. You should look for ways to embrace this. You don't say whether you have children, but look what happened: You're a (sort-of) grandmother!
Give yourself time to adjust. Your husband and his newfound daughter will be forging a relationship (distant, close, or somewhere in between), and you should be a supportive participant.
If you continue to struggle, a counselor could help.
Dear Amy: I've been happily married for years, but I've been harboring a secret: When I was very young, I was sexually abused by a relative.
For a long time, I lacked the courage to tell anyone. After college I told one friend, but the friend told me I was making it up. Since then, I've never spoken a word of it to anyone -- not even my therapist.
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