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Discovery of long-lost child challenges marriage

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

I've become a functional adult, and have managed to put most of the trauma behind me.

The emergence of the #MeToo movement has brought up a lot of emotion, and I feel like I want to tell my husband my secret. But how do I start?

-- Unsure

Dear Unsure: The #MeToo movement has inspired many people to come forward with their survivor stories -- the hashtag itself is an invitation to move away from secrecy toward solidarity.

Your therapist is an ideal guide through this process; start your disclosure there.

Be aware that disclosing and discussing this will unleash yet more feelings about it. Understand, too, that others will not necessarily behave in predictable ways when you disclose your abuse experience. For instance, your husband's first reaction might be shock and disappointment that you hadn't told him earlier. He might also want to take an action toward your family member that you don't want to take. This is why working with a therapist through this process would be wise.

I think the best way to disclose something challenging and hard to talk about is to start by saying, "I have something important to tell you. This is hard for me, so I hope you will bear with me while I do my best to tell you about it."

I give you so much credit in your decision to move forward. Other survivors are standing shoulder to shoulder, supporting you.

 

Dear Amy: "Scared" was a wife in a long-distance relationship. Somehow, she and her partner had decided that it would be acceptable for him to live eight hours away from his young son. Now her partner was having second thoughts about the distance, and Scared was responding selfishly.

Thank you for advocating for children, even when the adults in their lives don't.

-- Grateful

Dear Grateful: Children have no voice and no power. I feel for them.

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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)


 

 

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