Couples' separation leads to rift in the family
These guests were so kind! During the week's events, the kids did not acknowledge me once, even though I tried to engage them in conversations.
I'm at a loss. I love this man and would like to grow old with him, but I don't see how if his children don't accept me.
I know many of your readers have walked this path. I need advice from those who have been there.
-- M
Dear M: Your guy is at the heart of this problem -- and the solution. The way to build relationships is to spend time together. Including you in his daughter's graduation celebration, for instance, should not have been left up to her. His tolerance of his kids' rudeness is why it continues.
If you are in his life, then you should be in their lives. He will have to be openhearted and kind toward their partners, and they must be toward you. He needs to deal with whatever lingering loss they feel regarding their mother's death, and then he must lead the way by establishing clear expectations about how they must behave toward you.
Dear Amy: I agree with others that your response to "Mama Bear" revealed your own homophobia. You should have not encouraged this teen boy to stay in the closet!
-- Upset
Dear Upset: This was certainly the opposite of my intent. My position is that this openly homophobic aunt did not deserve her nephew's disclosure of his sexuality -- or his angst over making it. He should simply live his life however he wants, without regard to her bigoted views.
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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)
