Family friend is shocked by woman's film career
I recently got married. We invited her to our small ceremony, hoping we could all just get along.
She arrived late and then ended up causing a huge scene and storming out in the middle of dinner because she didn't get to sit where she wanted.
Now my husband and I are planning our reception for family and friends, and have chosen not to invite her, due to her behavior at the wedding. She's gotten really angry about this and is now refusing to let me communicate with my younger siblings.
I'm really not sure what to do. I want to have a relationship with my siblings, but I don't want to give into her and risk her ruining my reception, like she did my wedding.
What do you think would be the best way to navigate this situation?
-- Frustrated Daughter
Dear Frustrated: Your mother is already more or less "ruining" your reception, because she (presumably) won't let your siblings attend unless she attends.
You don't say how young your siblings are, but you will have to perform this tough dance until they are out from under your mother's control. As challenging as your mother is for you to handle from a distance -- they have to live with her.
I believe you are making the right choice regarding your wedding, because she is a bully, and you have decided to draw the line. She punishes you when she doesn't get what she wants, so strap in, be strong and continue to deliver proportional consequences.
I think you should calmly ignore her restrictions regarding your siblings, and do your best to keep in touch with them through technology, but also being brave enough to knock on the door.
Dear Amy: I appreciated your answer to "Wondering," who wanted some direction on what gift to give triplet siblings who were graduating from high school. Giving money equal to the graduation year ($20.18) is clever, but given your literacy efforts, I'm surprised you didn't suggest a book!
-- Surprised
Dear Surprised: Here's one I like: "Congratulations, by the way: Some Thoughts on Kindness," by George Saunders (2014, Random House).
========
(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)
