Family friend is shocked by woman's film career
Dear Amy: There is a 31-year-old woman who has been a part of our family since she was a teenager. She and my kids grew up together and they are still good friends.
Her parents are good friends of my wife and me. She is Phi Beta Kappa and graduated magna cum laude from a good college. She has a post-graduate degree from a very prestigious university.
She is in a job she's had for eight years. She currently makes more than $80,000 a year, and is extremely secure.
By an absolutely bizarre twist of fate, I just found out she has been acting in hardcore pornographic videos for the last year, distributed by one of (what I understand is) the biggest production companies in that business. There were 10 pages of her videos when I Googled her stage name.
I am in shock. I am so afraid for her future if her employer, or someone else, makes the same discovery. What should I do? She's an adult and is free to make her choices, but if someone makes the connection, in this internet-fueled world, it will follow her for the rest of her life. I'm afraid she'll lose her job and never be taken seriously as a professional again. I'm afraid for her health and safety.
I have not talked to anyone about this. Who, if anybody, should I tell? Should I just shut up and let the chips fall where they may? We all love this girl very much, and I'm heartsick. What is the right thing to do?
-- Worried Friend
Dear Friend: You should raise your concerns directly to the woman at the heart of this -- not with her parents, or other people. Let her know exactly what you have become aware of, voice your opinion and worries and try to do so without judgment.
Don't attach too strongly to her reaction -- whatever it might be -- and then drop it, unless, of course, you think that she is in physical danger. I assume there are physical and health risks to what she is doing, but you will have to gauge on your own if these risks merit any attempted intervention from you. Her employment, reputation and ethical choices regarding this side career of hers -- are all her (not your) business.
Dear Amy: My mom and I have always had a strained relationship, but I try to be nice because my younger siblings still live in her house.
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