Wounded woman worries about inability to love
Dear Amy: I am a 68-year-old woman, divorced and living alone. I'm an introvert, so I'm not lonely. I've been divorced since 2003 because of emotional and verbal abuse. We were married for 30 years because I was afraid of leaving him and afraid of what it would do to my children. I was in counseling before, during and afterward, and have never regretted my decision to leave him, despite the fact that he laid a very heavy guilt trip on me.
I've been involved in activities and my life has been enriched by the friends I've made, but all friendships are superficial. My adult daughters are supportive. I have so much going for me.
When he verbally abused me in 2002, in front of my then 17-year-old daughter, it felt as if a veil covered my face. I shut down. The veil has not lifted since then. I feel empty and incapable of loving anyone, including my own daughters and wonderful grandchildren. I go through the motions, but deep down, I feel nothing. When my father passed away in 2006, I was the only one in my family who didn't cry.
My doctor has prescribed an antidepressant and it has helped in many ways, except being able to love again.
When I meet someone, male or female, I can be friendly to a point, and then emotionally I back away. Reaching out to others is extremely hard and stressful. How can I get that "veil" lifted and become "human" again?
-- Worried
Dear Worried: You should continue to work with your therapist. Disclose exactly how you are feeling. You may have a form of PTSD, and there are specialized therapies that may help you.
One suggestion I have is to consider adopting an animal -- if you are able. Gentle, domesticated animals have a way of unlocking love, affection and a feeling of connectedness with the humans in their lives. Visit a shelter (or volunteer) to see if this might be a workable idea for you.
Dear Amy: My son's ex-wife remarried and now has two stepchildren, along with her daughter (with my son).
I love my granddaughter dearly and love sending her gifts. My former daughter-in-law has made it clear to all that the two stepchildren must be treated equally to her daughter -- by everyone.
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