ArcaMax

In most instances I agree, however, I do not agree that I should have to buy gifts for all of these children. I did this for the past year and had to cut way back on my budget for gifts for grandchildren.

I have not met my former daughter-in-law's new husband or his children. We live across the country from each other.

I feel as though I should not have to buy for all, and I want to only spoil my grandchild.

Am I wrong?

-- Upset Grandmother

Dear Grandmother: When you report wanting to "spoil" only your grandchild, I want you to reflect on your own choice of words. One of your toughest jobs as a grandmother is to find ways to enfold your granddaughter's siblings into your world. If you refuse to do this, then yes, this will have the effect of "spoiling" her, in unintended ways -- because you will be putting her in a very tough spot.

Some of your contact with your granddaughter will be through her relationship to your son (her father). If you want to send gifts exclusively to her, then perhaps they should be sent to your son so he can share them with her during his visitations. You should also encourage him to include you in vacations and trips that he shares with her.

One way to stay connected to your granddaughter is to send her cards and letters, and to Skype with her, if possible. Your attitude should be open and loving -- not exclusive. And yes, you should do your best to try to connect with these other children. Obviously, this will be challenging until you meet them.

Your former daughter-in-law is being unreasonable. In her eagerness to include her stepchildren as full family members (which they are), she seems to be framing it as a punishment -- or you are interpreting it that way.

Dear Amy: I understand the sensitivities about women regarding the #MeToo movement, but what about we men who have to deal with drunken women coming on to us and pressing up against us when we don't like it?

-- Men are #MeToo, too

Dear Men: Use your voice, just as women should do. A firm, "No! Please, back off" should do it.

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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)