Family members lurk on social media
He has also not allowed her to see his son. Not seeing her grandson has been very hard on her.
I have been the only one out of four sons and four daughters-in-law to accompany her to her many medical appointments, and have been trying to support her as best I can.
My brother-in-law finally called after he found out about her diagnosis and said he would visit this past weekend.
Well, he never showed. Not even a phone call. She, of course, was devastated. I texted him and he told me not to get involved, that it was none of my business. My husband agreed.
I feel that since I am the only one who talks to her on a regular basis, I have every right to be outraged and callout my brother-in-law on his awful behavior, just as I would a biological brother. Do I have the right to get involved, or have I overstepped my boundaries?
-- Angry In-law
Dear Angry: You are a family member and an involved helpmate to your mother-in-law. You have every right to react honestly to this behavior, but you don't seem to have taken into account what your mother-in-law might have wanted you to do.
My experience with family estrangement is that trying to coax someone back into the fold is a delicate dance. You expressing your righteous and justified anger and/or bewilderment at his unreliability might have sent him skittering back into his corner, and this is not what anyone seems to want right now. I do think you should absent yourself from this particular dynamic, to keep your focus on your loved-one's needs.
Dear Amy: "Bought the Farm" wondered how to enforce the boundaries on their farm from their rowdy family members with teenagers who lived next door.
Suggest trading some fun for those teenagers for some improvements or repairs around the farm!
-- Another Amy
Dear Amy: I like this idea; these teens could help to improve the land they've rutted with their four-wheelers.
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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)
