Stepmother claims biological relationship to stepchildren
Now that I know, is there a kind way to reach out to my aunt?
-- Upset Niece
Dear Upset: Many families (mine included) seem to pull the veil down around illness. Illness is deeply personal, it affects your own body, and each of us has the right to disclose, or withhold, information.
When someone swears you to secrecy and you can't do it, you should respond, "I'm sorry, but I can't keep that private." When someone swears me to secrecy in advance of telling me the secret, I always say, "I can't guarantee to keep this a secret, since I don't know what it is. So maybe you shouldn't tell me."
Get in touch with your aunt. Tell her your daughter told you out of concern about her. Tell her you love her and are in her corner. Don't pump her for information and don't dive into the drama. Be gentle.
Dear Amy: "Hugs over Smooches" suggested that girls and women should be coached with ways to respond to male physical aggression.
You poo-pooed that, and said it was men who needed the coaching.
Yes, this is true, but I do believe that it would be helpful for females to learn how to respond.
-- A Reader
Dear Reader: I agree. A loud, "Stop that," might help.
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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)
