ArcaMax

-- Loving and Blessed

Dear Loving and Blessed: If "Barbara" has been on the scene since the birth of these grandchildren, then, in my opinion, she should be granted full grandmother status. There is no rule that children must have only four DNA grandparents. In my mind, the more grandmothers, the better. Bring on the Grannies!

However, I can well imagine how the denial of your role as your sons' mother rankles -- both you and them.

Your sons could handle this effectively (and kindly) by saying to their stepmother, "'Barbara'," we treasure you, but we keep hearing from people you've met that you have introduced yourself as our mother. It would be best if you made it clear that you are our stepmother. The reason is because we have a mom who raised us -- and things get really confusing later if people don't understand that she is our mother."

Barbara might then come to you and ask if this is a problem for you -- and you should be honest and say that it is.

Dear Amy: I just found out that my aunt has been battling cancer for the past six months. I've talked to her frequently and never once did she tell me about her illness. Nor did any of her sons tell me. Everyone has been sworn to secrecy.

Our daughter visited her over the holidays and discovered how sick she was, but she was asked to not tell anyone. What gives?

This put my daughter in an awful position. She didn't know how to avoid promising not to tell this secret.

This is not the first time in our family's history that health news has been withheld "to protect" another. I felt it was wrong then, and I think it's wrong now.

What's a good way to answer someone who wants to swear you to secrecy? Amy, why do people do this?

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