Less wine might make neighbor less ornery
Dear Readers: This week I am running topical "Best Of" columns while I'm on book tour, meeting readers of my memoir, "Strangers Tend to Tell Me Things," which is now out in paperback. I'll be back next week with more answers and advice directed toward a fresh batch of dilemmas. Today's topic is "Neighbors."
Dear Amy: Our next-door neighbor is someone most people would think of as an ornery old man -- who is probably an alcoholic. He rarely acknowledges anyone, drinks and smokes while tinkering in his garage every day and does things like keeping the kids' soccer balls when they land in his yard until a parent comes to retrieve it with the child.
We ignore his alcohol breath and unpleasant personality and have a civil relationship with him. We have taught our children to be respectful no matter how much they dislike him (unlike some others in the neighborhood).
He has been a good neighbor by informing us when our garage door is open late at night, our outdoor pipes are leaking or gushing water, etc.
I have asked him for advice on what to do regarding an outdoor household problem, and he has voluntarily fixed it for us with supplies from his garage. He doesn't stop until it's done correctly in line with his high standards.
We thank him profusely and have "repaid" him with bottles of good wine, which makes him very happy. Are we being "enablers" by repaying a likely alcoholic with wine?
-- Enabler
Dear Enabler: Sidestepping the issue of enabling, I'd like to point out that when you give your neighbor wine, you are providing him with the tools to make him less competent, healthy and (selfishly speaking) less useful to you. If you were really grateful, you could also throw in a carton of smokes, making him happy but decreasing his life span.
There are many ways to thank this good neighbor that don't involve feeding his addiction -- for instance, you could give him a gift card to his favorite hardware store. You could also offer to rake his leaves or shovel the walk this winter. -- November 2013
Dear Amy: Each year we host an elegant, upscale fundraiser on our estate for a local nonprofit. One of the major sources of income for this event is the multiple cash bars. We offer a variety of beverages, including fine wines.
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