Less wine might make neighbor less ornery
For the past two years, one couple (who are close friends, neighbors and business associates) have hosted a "pre-party" at their home, which we, of course, cannot attend due to our preparation obligations. They then arrive late with several other couples in tow.
This year they even arrived with their own wine, which they not only drank but shared with several other couples. I did not learn of their "private bar" until my husband and I walked them out. Near their vehicle was a pile of wine bottles dumped on the lawn. The amount of alcohol from the bottles left lying on our lawn amounted to about $300 to $400 in lost drink ticket sales.
I feel insulted and hurt, and I am stunned by their behavior. Aside from business associations, we see each other often. Am I overreacting? How should we handle this situation?
-- Wined Out
Dear Wined Out: First, let me thank you for outlining the very essence of the phrase "first-world problem" in this space. And yet, even though your dilemma occurs on an estate and involves fine wine, when you boil it down, this issue simply amounts to people behaving badly and the question of how to respond. And you should respond.
You say, "Daisy and Tom, we found a pile of wine bottles on the lawn near your car, and I think they came from you and your guests. What's up with that?"
If you're stunned and disappointed, you should say so. I'm not suggesting that you bill these people for the estimated amount of spilled or drunk wine that might have gone to charity, but the advantage of speaking your own truth, plainly and clearly, is that you give someone who owes you an explanation or apology the opportunity to offer one. And then after you have had your say, you move on. Don't dwell, punish or gossip. Consider the matter settled.
Next year you might enlist these people to join with you and use their pre-party as an additional fundraiser for the nonprofit. That way, not one drop will be wasted (unlike your guests). -- September 2013
========
(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)
