ArcaMax

He is pleasant but will only do chores he likes. If he got a full-time job, or worked two part-time jobs to become independent enough to pay a fair share (or be able to move out), we would feel easier about his ability to exist without us taking care of him.

How can I make him hear me? He walks away when we discuss anything serious. He says he can't deal with it.

He got a college degree which seems useless, and now plans to get a two-year degree that will get him a career, but we think he has to change habits so he can sleep at night; he stays up late online and talking with his friends. Can you add your voice to ours?

-- Upset Mom

Dear Mom: Well, I'm shouting pretty loudly on my end, but not at your son. My voice is directed toward his parents. You refer to and treat your son as a "child." He is 26 years old.

I suggest that you and your husband should wake up and finally treat your son like an adult. You didn't prepare him for adult life when he was younger, and now he needs his mommy to knock on his door at 11 a.m. to roust him out of bed.

He needs a plan -- but you should not provide it. Give him a timetable for moving out. Tell him, "You're a grown man. You have two months to move out. We will give you the car but not pay any other expenses. You can make it."

If you can't bear to part with him, present a nonnegotiable of working 40 hours a week while living at home. Nonnegotiables only work when attached to consequences.

Cheer him on from the sidelines. He may flounder. But he will have to figure things out. And he will. -- October 2013

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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)