Sister reels from lifetime of bullying and exclusion
Of course you feel hurt! But -- probably more often than you realize, siblings are trapped in a complex web of attraction and rejection.
You feel sad because this relationship represents a lifetime of rejection. Also, she was your heartbeat connection to your mother.
You feel guilty because all of your efforts to fix this only reveal your own powerlessness. Your life seems to have turned out to be positive and healthy, and yet she won't permit intimacy.
You should try to cultivate an attitude of compassion. Convey, "I wish we were closer." She would likely reject or deflect this. You stating what you want should help you to continue to release the grief for the relationship that never was.
Dear Amy: How should I let my partner know that I cannot wait forever on a marriage proposal, without sounding like I'm giving an ultimatum?
My guy and I have dated for 18 months. We are both in our mid-30s. We don't live together, but we spend two or three weeknights together, and every weekend.
I think two years is probably long enough to expect a proposal, and for him to know whether he'd like to marry me.
I would never want someone to marry me due to an ultimatum, but at the same time, I was clear to him from the beginning that I expect to get married at some point. Perhaps I should have discussed a timeline in that conversation, but I didn't.
-- Might Cancel
Dear Might Cancel: If you were clear with your guy from the beginning that you are geared toward marriage, then you've already activated the "M-bomb." It's out there.
...continued
