Mentor accused of misconduct disappears
Dear Amy: My ex-husband told me he wanted a divorce over a month ago.
I did not want to split, but he insisted -- so I moved out.
I did not contact him after leaving, but he has been calling me almost every day. We keep the conversation light and have not spoken about us as a couple -- or about what happened.
How do I broach the subject without him shutting down, as he so often did when we were together?
I get the sense he wants to get back together, but he's not mentioning it and I am too worried to bring it up myself.
-- Worried in Hartford
Dear Worried: If you two can't communicate about your relationship, even to the point of you asking him if he even wants to be married to you, then your relationship is destined to carom along in this cycle.
And if you can't muster the courage to ask your husband if he wants to be married to you without fear of him shutting down, then you probably shouldn't be together.
You might start by asking, "Why are you (really) calling me?" No matter how he responds, leave some silence around it. Tell him, "I'd like to talk about what happened between us. If you're not ready to do that now, let's take some time off until you are ready."
Dear Amy: "Broken-Hearted Niece" wondered if she should invite her toxic aunt to her wedding. I couldn't believe that you suggested that she should! A wedding is the worst place to try to repair family relationships. It should be about what the marrying couple wants, period.
Dear Disappointed: I suggested that this niece should invite and confront her aunt over the aunt's behavior. Laying out clear expectations and consequences: "If there is a problem at the wedding, you will be asked to leave," should put the niece firmly in charge on her wedding day.
(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: firstname.lastname@example.org. Readers may send postal mail to Amy Dickinson, c/o Tribune Content Agency, 16650 Westgrove Drive, Suite 175, Addison, Texas, 75001. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)