ArcaMax

-- Adopted in CO

Dear Adopted: My own experience in helping to raise adopted children -- and as part of a large family with many adopted family members -- has taught me that there is no "wrong" way to view your own adoption story. I further know this: no one can tell you who your "real" family is.

Your own reaction to your family is completely appropriate. Their history is your history. The only thing your very loving family did not contribute to you is a matter of DNA, which, given your very long history with them is of no consequence, if you don't want it to be.

I will never fully understand the impulse to question or challenge someone's parentage. It is simply unkind to do so. I think you should respond, proudly, "Well, you don't really have the right to question my relationship to my family, so I would appreciate it if you kept your views to yourself."

Dear Amy: I had a hard breakup in December. The relationship lasted almost a year and a half. It was excruciating getting over this person, even though I knew she was NOT the right person for me.

We bonded after she moved almost a hundred miles away for a new job. We spent every weekend together.

I walked away from the relationship after a big blow-up where she corrected me about dancing in public. She also said some other things to me on the phone that were basically put-downs.

After the breakup, I tried to date, but was having trouble getting over her. She apparently found the right person immediately after we broke up, and this really hurt me.

I recently met a wonderful girl who is the total opposite of her and she is so good to me, but I am still having trouble forgetting about the old relationship.

It has almost been five months now, and I'm still in a lot of pain. I've been through breakups before but for some reason this has been super hard for me to let go and to move on completely with my life.

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