Humor
/Entertainment
Hello, It's Me, Aloe
According to some experts, it's advisable to practice taking care of something living before you have kids. A lot of people start out with a pet. But before you have pets, you might need to first be able to keep a houseplant alive. And if you find you really stink at this caretaking thing, you might even want to take one step back beyond that ...Read more
The Dreaming of the Shrew
"You were talking in your sleep last night," I said to my husband when he stumbled into the kitchen that morning. I handed him a cup of espresso to jolt him out of his coma.
"No, I wasn't," he said.
"How would you know?" I said. "You were asleep. I was not asleep ... because you were talking in your sleep."
"I don't talk in my sleep," he ...Read more
It All Comes Out in the End
"What's with all the Gatorade?" said my husband when I walked in the door with two bulging bags of the stuff.
"It's for tonight," I said matter-of-factly.
"Is there a special occasion that calls for large amounts of fluorescent green liquid to be ingested?" he asked, wondering if perhaps he'd forgotten an obscure holiday that was celebrated ...Read more
To All the Jeans I've Loved Before
Since I work from home, I don't generally get dressed up for the occasion. Most of the time, I consider it a successful day if I change out of my bathrobe and put on actual clothes. Because of this, I don't have a lot of fancy clothes and most of what I do have can easily be thrown in the wash.
This arrangement has always worked out fine ...Read more
Join the Club
"I got an invitation on Facebook to join the Magnetic Eyelashes Fan Club," I told my husband as I stared at my computer screen.
"What does that even mean?" he asked incredulously.
"It's a group on Facebook for people who like magnetic eyelashes, I assume."
"Is that a thing?" he asked.
"Apparently," I said. "Although I don't wear fake ...Read more
The Case of the Puffy Face
Even before I looked in the mirror, I knew my face was puffy. It might have had something to do with the fact that I could feel my cheeks touching my eyebrows, or maybe that my lips felt like they were the size of eggplants. I knew some women paid good money for lips that looked like mine, but at that moment, I suspected it was probably not a ...Read more
Riding the Wave
We hadn't had the new microwave that long when, all of a sudden, it decided it just didn't want to microwave anymore.
"You had one job," I said to the microwave, chastising it after it failed to reheat some leftovers. "Is that really so hard?"
Naturally, I had no idea what went into making a microwave microwave. I assumed it probably had ...Read more
A Grand Doggie Affair
"Bowie has a girlfriend," I announced to my husband. "She's a golden retriever and her name is Susie."
"That's unlikely," he said. "Did you forget that he's neutered?"
"He can still enjoy a girl dog's company," I replied.
I looked over at Bowie sprawled out on the living room rug. He had just returned from his daily midday walk with several...Read more
Ain't That a Shame
"Are you ready to order?" asked the server. It was our first time at a new restaurant and everything looked tempting to me. Even the sugar packets looked good.
"I'd like the fish tacos," I said. "But what kind of tortillas do they come with? I'm gluten-free."
"They come with corn tortillas," she said. "But we can also do them as lettuce ...Read more
A Chip Off the Old Tooth
After making it through the challenges of Thanksgiving, the trials of Black Friday, and the marathon of Christmas and New Year's, I chipped a tooth brushing my teeth.
I'd have to say that typically I am not an aggressive tooth brusher. I have an electric toothbrush that does most of the brushing for me, and it's generally a pretty amicable ...Read more
Sharpening My Spidey-Sense
"Holy Cow," I shouted. "There's a giant spider on the wall. I think it's a tarantula!"
"It's not a tarantula," said my husband, looking up from his computer. "There are no tarantulas around here."
"Then it's a wolf spider," I said.
"What, are you suddenly an Arachnologist?" He wondered.
"What's that? An expert in peanut butter?"
"No. Why ...Read more
Top of the Pops
One of the treats my husband and I love is having popcorn when we watch a movie at home. But after reading some negative reviews about microwave popcorn, I thought hot air-popped popcorn would be a better alternative. Is it as yummy as microwave popcorn? Honestly, no. But I thought it would be healthier and tasty in a Styrofoam-packing-...Read more
Resolving to Keep My New Year's Resolution
Some years ago, I made a New Year's resolution not to make any New Year's resolutions because I always immediately break them. Of course, I didn't remember making this resolution until I was in the car one day sitting in holiday traffic and getting really steamed about all the rude people on the road. After someone cut me off and my then-4-...Read more